Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
