Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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