the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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