All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
