She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
