im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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