yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
