Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
