What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
