Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
