she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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