Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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