i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
