i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
