I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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