I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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