Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
