Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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