I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
