I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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