I will die if light touches me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
