woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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