Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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