You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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