4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
