I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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