When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
