either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
