i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
