Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
