When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
