How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
