The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
