I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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