Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
