Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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