I can text with my tongue
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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