when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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