i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
