I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He passed out mid-signature
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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