when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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