I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
