2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
