I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
