Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize