Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who died my cat blue again?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
