1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
