So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
