I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
