i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
