I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
