He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You made out with two different species that night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
