If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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