Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if only i could text you this smell
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
