happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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