It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize