pop tarts are not kleenex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
