You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Enjoy the penises
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
