So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
