what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
