how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize