you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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