Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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