glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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