someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
